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Raymond and I have recently suffered the loss of our first child. I was pregnant for six weeks and five days. It was very exciting. We confirmed it the morning of July 7, 2014. It was our fifth pregnancy test due to one positive (but if it's faint is it really positive?!) two negatives and one test fell in the toilet - something to do with cat litter... Anyway, we were excited, scared, elated! We were parents. We started talking to our baby and calling it 'he' because I was sure it would be a boy. We prayed for him and started reading about the do's and don'ts of being pregnant (there are a lot of things to NOT do that you would have no clue about if you didn't read up on it). I had all the classic symptoms - nausea, exhaustion, a bloated tummy, a crazy sense of smell, some slight cramping (normal they say).
On Saturday, July 12, 2014 I noticed a little blood and freaked out as any newly pregnant mom would. I called the nurses hotline but was told it could be completely normal and I didn't have any of the symptoms on the long list of "you may be miscarrying." On Sunday I had a Dr appointment and was set up to get an ultrasound and blood work on Monday - all normal stuff. But I knew it was wrong. I didn't feel right and my symptoms were less or off.... I was nervous. I was crying on and off, I was laying down, not moving, I was talking to God and to Samuel... I had peace, lot's of peace. I knew that no matter what the outcome, it would be okay - that I would be okay.
I woke up Sunday morning around 4 AM and it wasn't okay. By 5:50 AM Raymond had called an ambulance and they were on their way. It was agonizing pain. I kept saying "I can't do this" and then all of a sudden I could. The pain didn't lessen or go away but there was that peace again. We got to the hospital, Raymond helped me get blood work and my first IV (I have a fear of needles so that was hard for me). He held me in my hospital bed while we waited and encouraged me through the tests.
He got me home and napped with me for the rest of the day...
God gave my husband something really special for me. God gave Raymond the ability to be what I needed, when I needed it. I cannot even come up with the right words to describe how perfect Raymond was. Another blessing I've gotten from this tragedy was the closeness to God and to Raymond that came about. God has met me in my pain. He has been there every step of the way and on Sunday he showed me something beautiful. I will always hold it close to my heart until I get to heaven and see my son and hold him in my arms.
Now you may be wondering why the name Samuel. While Raymond and I waited for some tests the question was asked (by a friend dropping items off for us as we didn't have a car) "are you going to name the baby?" The night before when I had been praying God had reminded me of Hannah and her son Samuel that she begged God for. She was given her son and after he was weaned she gave him back to God as promised. Samuel means "God hears." Raymond, after hearing why I thought perhaps Samuel for the babies name told us that God had given him the name Samuel for the baby a couple of weeks prior but that he hadn't told me because he thought that I would think it was silly. I was then able to tell him that I had been asking God to give him a name for the baby. What a blessing for us to name our baby the name God had chosen weeks before and see all of those prayers answered and have our faith built even while waiting for our loss to be confirmed.
So here's our news. It's not joyful like the regular "we're expecting" announcements but it's ours and it's beautiful in itself. For everyone expecting or newly delivered I am so excited for you! I now know what it feels like to be pregnant, to hold that joy and excitement in, to keep it a secret (so hard) and to giggle about it with your husband. To fall in love, no matter how long or how short the time you have together is.
ANNOUNCING:
Samuel Oosterom
May 28, 2014 - July 14, 2014
Six weeks and five days I got to cary you, we love you, we wanted you, we miss you and we are very happy you are in heaven with Jesus.
"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be...."
I miscarried July 14, 2014 at the Richmond Hospital. Raymond and I were taken by ambulance and it was a very hard day for us.
Raymond was amazing. Exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I know God enabled Raymond to be that for me. Even when Raymond didn't know what to do he still stood by me and encouraged me or held my hand. He was right there to walk me through every step.
